Stupid Bar

On December 23, a pfeffernusse cookie and an aluminum Festivus pole clank into a bar.
The bartender says, “What brings you two here?”
The pfeffernusse dusts itself with sugar, “It’s National Pfeffernusse Day—I’m here to spice things up!”
The Festivus pole stands tall, “And it’s Festivus—I’m here for the Airing of Grievances… you call this a bar tab?!”
The bartender grins, “Well, don’t get too peppery or start any Feats of Strength—this bar’s already for the rest of us!”

On December 19, a peppermint hard candy and an oatmeal muffin clatter into a bar.
The bartender says, “What brings you two here?”
The hard candy clicks, “It’s National Hard Candy Day—I’m here to stick around all night!”
The oatmeal muffin crumbles, “And it’s National Oatmeal Muffin Day—I’m here to soak up the warmth!”
The bartender grins, “Well, don’t get too sticky or raisin-y—this bar’s already a sweet, hearty combo!”

On December 19, a peppermint hard candy and an oatmeal muffin clatter into a bar.
The bartender says, “What brings you two here?”
The hard candy clicks, “It’s National Hard Candy Day—I’m here to stick around all night!”
The oatmeal muffin crumbles, “And it’s National Oatmeal Muffin Day—I’m here to soak up the warmth!”
The bartender grins, “Well, don’t get too sticky or raisin-y—this bar’s already a sweet, hearty combo!”

On December 18, a roast suckling pig and a tray of fresh-baked cookies trot into a bar.
The bartender says, “What brings you two here?”
The suckling pig crackles, “It’s National Roast Suckling Pig Day—I’m here to hog the spotlight!”
The cookies crumble, “And it’s Bake Cookies Day—I’m here to dough-minate the sweets!”
The bartender grins, “Well, don’t get too crispy or chippy—this bar’s already a holiday feast!”

On December 17, a bottle of maple syrup and a tiny wooden airplane soar into a bar.
The bartender says, “What brings you two here?”
The maple syrup drips, “It’s National Maple Syrup Day—I’m here to stick the landing with sweetness!”
The airplane sputters, “And it’s Wright Brothers Day—I’m here to take off… slowly!”
The bartender grins, “Well, don’t get too gooey or crash—this bar’s already a sticky flight!”

On December 16, a chocolate-covered banana and a slinky stumble into a bar.
The bartender says, “What brings you two here?”
The chocolate-covered banana slips, “It’s National Chocolate Covered Anything Day—I’m here to coat the night in gooey glory!”
The slinky springs, “And it’s Stupid Toy Day—I’m here to walk down stairs… badly!”
The bartender grins, “Well, don’t get too messy or tangled—this bar’s already a sweet, silly flop!”

On December 15, a frosted cupcake and a gingerbread latte sip into a bar.
The bartender says, “What brings you two here?”
The cupcake sprinkles, “It’s National Cupcake Day—I’m here to top the party with mini magic!”
The gingerbread latte steams, “And it’s National Gingerbread Latte Day—I’m here to spice up the sip!”
The bartender grins, “Well, don’t get too crumbly or frothy—this bar’s already a sweet swirl!”

On December 12, a bowl of ambrosia salad and an old rotary phone ding a ling into a bar.
The bartender says, “What brings you two here?”
The ambrosia jiggles, “It’s National Ambrosia Day—I’m here to fluff up the party!”
The rotary phone clicks, “And it’s National Ding-A-Ling Day—I’m here to ring up some old friends!”
The bartender grins, “Well, don’t get too marshmallow-y or busy-signal me—this bar’s already a sweet reunion!”

On December 11, a towering noodle ring and a toasted everything bagel waddle into a bar.
The bartender says, “What brings you two here?”
The noodle ring jiggles, “It’s National Noodle Ring Day—I’m here to circle the carbs!”
The bagel schmears, “And it’s National Have a Bagel Day—I’m here to hole up the party!”
The bartender grins, “Well, don’t get too starchy or sesame-seedy—this bar’s already a carb-loaded loop!”

On December 10, a frosty lager mug and a Hull House key clink into a bar.
The bartender says, “What brings you two here?”
The lager foams, “It’s National Lager Day—I’m here to brew some smooth cheers!”
The key unlocks, “And it’s Jane Addams Day—I’m here to reform the round!”
The bartender grins, “Well, don’t get too hoppy or activist—this bar’s already a just pint!”